Realizing life is a mess can be both freeing and scary, like stepping away from a comfortable but smelly old couch. My 40-year church involvement ended when my wife of twenty years asked for a divorce, and the religion of the church’s unhelpful advice was to “pray it away.” Counseling painted divorce as a huge sin, ignoring the complexities of relationships and offering no support.

In a blog I previously wrote, It Took Me 40 Years to say Goodbye I continue to tell you about my son’s coming out as transgender and how it shook my world. But revealed my deep-seated beliefs against anything unconventional. This mindset hindered me from supporting him as I should have, showing me how much I needed to change. Later, I met my soulmate amidst unpacking boxes of depression, marking a new beginning in my life.

Nope: But You Can

So, let’s chat about organized religion, specifically the Christian variety. It’s like that gym membership I had – sounded good, never used it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not throwing shade at anyone’s Sunday best. If church is your jam, rock on! But for this pansexual atheist, it’s a no-go zone.

Picture this: you’re at a buffet, but instead of piling your plate with goodies, you’re stuck with pre-chosen broccoli. That was me in church, munching on metaphorical broccoli, dreaming of life’s full menu. When my wife served up divorce papers, the church handed me a spoon and said, “Eat your veggies.” Not exactly the comfort food I craved.

Now, if we’re redefining religion, think of it as your favorite playlist. It’s personal, eclectic, and sometimes includes that one guilty pleasure song. For me, religion is more about connection than conviction. It’s finding spirituality in a sunset or the lyrics of a killer ballad.

I’ve swapped pews for comic cons, where my superhero squad accepts everyone, capes and all. We’re talking real-life X-Men, minus the spandex. My new ‘religion’ is love, laughter, and the occasional binge-watching marathon. It’s about embracing the plot twists of life with a smile.

Robe Gone: Veil is Torn

So, while I may have hung up my choir robe, I’m still humming along to life’s rhythm. And hey, if your chorus includes church bells, sing it loud and proud! Just know that over here, we’re dancing to a different beat, and everyone’s invited to the party.

I now live proudly as a pansexual man, deeply in love with an extraordinary woman, and have a strong bond with my son. My other children and I are rebuilding our relationship, and alcohol is no longer a refuge for me. I’ve left the insincere church community for one that values realness and imperfection, where smiles mean genuine connection and acceptance. Life has many phases, and sometimes we need to embrace change.